Wendy spent a lot of time standing in front of mirrors evaluating her life. Especially during this time period. She was twenty five years old, she was working a job she couldn’t stand, living a life she couldn’t remember half of, and wishing she could forget the other half.
She enjoyed admiring the way she looked. Painting her face in a way that made her feel attractive. Dying/bleeching her hair in ways that made her feel hot. She had an obsession with being hot. Her opinion of what that was changed with the guy she was aiming to please. Never quite happy with who she already was. She had this twisted way of viewing herself in which she was absolutely amazing! better than everyone around her, yet somehow, she wasn’t ever good enough.
Wendy was always contradicting in this way. Her moods were just as bipolar. She would be really happy, excited, and high energy one minute, and the next she was ready to murder babies and sacrifice their hands to the llamas. If you don’t understand the llamas with hats reference here, I strongly suggest you find the nearest youtube device and rectify this problem!
Any way, Wendy had a way of tearing herself apart going back and forth. She had a very hard time accepting who she was and being confident in her decisions and choices. She also had a struggle with over dramatizing things. She’d make things out to be worse than they were, or more extreme than they were. Everything was an epic deal.
However, Wendy would downplay the things that were a big deal. She’d worry profusely that her friends would judge her alcohol tolerance, but she would casually mention that she had been raped to anyone that she had slightest personal connection to. It was as if she were gauging their reaction, or maybe she felt that if she dropped something so shocking, no one would ever believe it had happened. Including herself.
Wendy knew that it had happened though, and it had changed her life completely. It wasn’t until later reflection that she changed her mind about this too.
As Wendy stood in the mirror though, she would admire herself. She would view herself as gorgeous. As long as there was a man out there who thought so. She would also reflect on where she was. Today she stood remembering her three bedroom house, her backyard, and her two dogs. She remembered the way she had looked in that wedding dress.
Standing on the center stage at David’s Bridal. Her mother was there, and so was his. They were both taking pictures of her in the dress she would be wearing this time next year. She had grown her hair out past her shoulders, and had cut bangs in a straight line ending at her thinly kept eyebrows. She had given herself an almost asian look that she polished off with extended black eyeliner. Looking back, Wendy thought that its really no wonder his next girlfriend would end up being Indian. Wendy had given him a taste for the exotic.
The one thing he had been cured of though was Wendy’s kind of crazy. There was the night of Brain’s bachelor party. It was unisex, but still Wendy wasn’t permitted to go because Marty’s ex girlfriend didn’t want her there. Marty was Wendy’s soon to be fiance/live in boyfriend. You see he was still in love with his ex. However Wendy had seamlessly interjected herself onto his life.
She pushed herself upon him for a freedom she was not financially capable of having on her own. When she had moved back home from California, she had given a lot up. She wanted that financial stability another income provided. She wanted the love and acceptance from someone who constantly made her feel like she wasn’t quite good enough. Because you see, Wendy always did things based upon the way they benefited her. She always felt bad about this. It wasn’t until later in life that she realized she was just like everyone else.
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